I remember reaching 40 (just about) and thinking it sounded so old.... Then I hit 50 – we had a big party and I told myself that age is just a number, age is how you feel, yada. yada, yada... but by then menopause had kicked in and I suddenly felt , well, Really Old. I looked back wistfully at my 30s and even my 40s and wondered what had happened, and I think many of us mature ladies feel the same way. It can't be denied that the media world is obsessed with young, very slim women; we have all heard of stories of older women presenters being replaced by younger models; adverts (even for older women's fashions and products) usually feature young women – go on, put Hairstyles 50+ into Pinterest and apart from the usual pictures of Judi Dench and Jamie Lee Curtis, you will see that many of the photos are of women well under 50. Beauty products are anti-ageing and we're given the impression that if we were just to work hard enough and buy the right products, we would suddenly find ourselves miraculously in our 30s again...
So this blog is looking at the things we as midlife women worry about and how we can address them physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
1. It's too late
I think that for me was a big one. Is it too late to change my career/change my lifestyle/lose the weight/get fit/take on new hobbies...? We panic that we might have not done something we might have done and all the could've/would've/should've regrets come piling in.
But while there's value in reflection on our past, don't let it drag you into a mire. Here are some ways to shake yourself out of the regrets:
Focus on your achievements – successes in your career, building a great warm, loving family, adventures you have had, personal achievements, challenges you have overcome. In your mind, take yourself back to these moments of personal achievement and revel in the glory and good feelings, then take these good feelings forward, knowing you can achieve anything you want to
Challenge yourself – choose one thing that you haven't done that you really want to try and go for it! Want to run a marathon? Get those running shoes on and start training – even if it's a walk around the block; Want to get fit? Choose a sport or fitness programme that suits you and get started – like today! Want a new career? Choose something that really inspires you and start looking at ways to achieve it; talk to people, read up on it, plan how you're going to get there. Want to visit another country? Start planning – read up on it, look at tickets, plan your journey, talk to people who have been there – basically let the Universe know that you're up for a new challenge and go for it!
Feel Gratitude – It's easy to fall into a pity party here, but gratitude for what we have is incredibly important, especially if you want to create something new. Gratitude lifts our mood and our spirits, it makes us open to the gifts we have and those to come; we may not be as young/slim/energetic as we used to be but we still have much to be thankful for. Focusing on what we don't have just widens the gap between where we are and where we want to be, but gratitude shows us that we live in an abundant universe. For more information about gratitude, see my blog here: https://www.primalhealthandharmony.com/post/gratitude
2. I'm not thin/young/beautiful enough
This one is so insidious. But it's not just us more mature ladies – a recent article showed that teenage girls can spend 20 minutes or more 'perfecting' a selfie with filters and face tuning, and that these apps are really affecting girls' self-esteem see article here:
I also read an article saying that cosmetic surgeons are doing more 'nose jobs' than ever because the front-facing camera on phones tends to make our noses look bigger! So the pressure on women in particular to look a certain way affects all of us and we can very easily start to feel that we're simply not good enough. Here are some ways to combat those feelings of inadequacy:
First of all recognise that all those perfect photos on the internet and in magazines SIMPLY ARE NOT TRUE! They are filtered, airbrushed and manipulated to create an image but it isn't reality. I bet the women in the photos wish they looked like their photos.
When you look in the mirror, focus on your best features – your eyes, your clear skin, your smile, your long legs, your lovely curvy shape; if you constantly focus on what you don't like, it will definitely leave you feeling depressed
Be confident. Confidence has its own beauty – when you're confident in who you are, it shines through and people are attracted to you. Believe in yourself, be open and welcoming and you will instantly feel more beautiful
Stand tall – there's a great bit in *Jordan B Peterson's book '12 Rules for Life', where he says: 'So attend carefully to your posture. Quit drooping and hunching around. Speak your mind. Put your desires forward, as if you had a right to them – at least the same right as others. Walk tall and gaze forthrightly ahead. Dare to be dangerous. Encourage the serotonin to flow plentifully through the neural pathways desperate for its calming influence' He explains that this serotonin rush we get when we stand up straight directly influences how we feel and how others respond to us, so stand up tall, shoulders back, head high and be beautiful!
Show up for yourself – in the days of lockdown, many of us found ourselves in our Pjs all day, no makeup, hair unbrushed – now be honest with yourself – would you go to meet a good friend like that? How does it really make you feel? Show up for yourself as though you were the most important person in the world (because you are). Get showered and dressed, do your hair, put makeup on (if that's your thing), dress well – even if you're just at home. If you don't show up for yourself, you're not sending yourself a positive message and you will feel less than you are
3. I'd like to ….. but.....
I think tied into the above is the lack of confidence to try something new. We find ourselves looking wistfully at pictures of activities we'd like to do or places we'd like to go and convince ourselves that we can't. When I took up paddle boarding a couple of years ago, I had wanted to do it for ages but I always had an excuse – 'I'm too old', 'I'm not fit enough' (in either sense of the word!), 'I haven't got time', 'I probably won't like it', 'I probably will be rubbish at it' and so on and so forth. Maybe as mature women we feel that we'll fit things in when we've sorted everyone else out, or maybe, deep down, we think we're not worth the time/effort/money. But if we want to do something different we have to push ourselves.
Decide what it is you want to do then go all out to do it. Push through the discomfort and the excuses and just do it! (as Nike would say)
Listen to your excuses. Are they actually true? If you say, 'I have got time', is that really true? Wouldn't you find the time if it was something 'important'? Well, doing what you desire is important. Are the excuses just a way of staying safe in your comfort zone?
Take action. If you're interested in doing something, start collecting information about it. Collect pictures, prices, equipment, schools, courses – whatever you need to know. Contact someone about whatever it is and ask. Look on social media for groups who do what you want to try – keep giving yourself that nudge to go and do it. Dreaming is one thing, taking action is another
Break out of your comfort zone. Do little things every day that push you out of your comfort zone – speak to a stranger, go out for a coffee by yourself and chat to people, wear something different, put on some badass jewellery, go to a different supermarket to do the shopping. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable
4. I'd like to get fit and healthy but it's too late
It's very easy to convince ourselves that it's too late to do anything about our health/weight/fitness. Maybe it all seems too difficult to try to change what we eat and what activity we do so we just give it up to 'old age' and accept that we're just not as healthy anymore. Or maybe we feel so unfit that we can't really believe that we can change that around. Well,
You're not too old and it's not too late!
Even if you've had a lifetime of eating rubbish and sitting watching TV, you can change that with the next choice you make.
Get up and go out for a walk – the fresh air, movement and (hopefully) sunshine will lift your mood and immediately make you feel better
Find some healthy recipes that appeal to you, go and get the ingredients and treat yourself to a really good meal. Starting with just one meal can spur you to do another, and another and another..... There are lots of recipes on my blog here https://www.primalhealthandharmony.com/
Find an activity you enjoy – walking, yoga, swimming, Pilates, maybe something you did when you were younger and would like to get back into – then go and do it! Find a group to join or a class – there will be lots of women just like you who would also like to get fit and you can encourage each other. Even if it's just one session a week it will make you feel better
Invest in a health coach (like me!) and find out how coaching can really transform your life
5. Feeling lost – also known as midlife crisis
Maybe the children have left home; maybe you or your partner have retired or maybe you just feel that your purpose in life is missing, we can all sometimes feel a bit lost and I think this becomes more of an issue as we get older because it ties into some of the other things on this list – confidence, feeling it's too late etc. One thing we can do is see this as an opportunity instead of a crisis:
If major changes have happened in your life such as retirement, children leaving home, maybe even divorce or bereavement, it can really shake our core beliefs about ourselves and what our purpose is. Try to look at the situation as a new beginning as well as the end of something. Even positive changes can unsettle us - when I retired from teaching and moved to Spain, it was a huge upheaval and although I have never regretted it for a moment, the change in situation did shake me – many of the things that used to identify me were gone and I wondered about my purpose in life. Now I am a health, well-being and confidence coach and I have found a new direction in my life
Take time out for yourself – walk in nature, meditate, spend time on your own and reflect on where you want to go next. Let your mind relax and ask yourself deeply what you now want from life
Be Bold! If you have an inkling of something you really want to do with your life, go for it – you'll never be this young again.
Appreciate your own wisdom and experience – we may no longer have the bodies of 30-somethings, but what we do have is a wealth of experience and wisdom gained from the life including the knocks and hardships. This knowledge stands you in good stead for going for your new goal
Spend time with friends - sharing time and experiences together is a great way to shake yourself out and talking with each other about how you are feeling will help you to realise you're not alone
Enjoy life as it is. Appreciate your life and your experiences – take pleasure in the small every day things – rain on the window, a chat with a stranger in a cafe, a smile from a shop assistant, a cuddle with a loved one. Because these small things are really not that small
If you're serious about changing your life, you'll find a way. If you're not, you'll find excuses
Jen Sincero
Ana x
If you would like to know more about living Primally or would like to discuss how I can help you reach your health, well-being and confidence goals, PM me on Facebook or contact me via the website for a free, no-obligation Discovery Call
*Jordan B Peterson - 12 Rules for Life An Antidote to Chaos
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