Ok, so we all know the symptoms of the menopause. If, like me, you're already there, you'll be familiar with them; if you're not quite there yet, you might be anticipating them with an amount of dread – the hot flashes that make you want to strip off and roll in the snow; the soggy, sweaty sheets when you get up for the 6th time to go to the loo in the night; the mood swings that take you from Pollyanna to the Grinch in a matter of moments; the waistline which seems to be expanding even as you watch... Then of course there are the social attitudes to menopause and ageing which for some women are worse than the physical symptoms. We are constantly surrounded by photos of impossibly beautiful young women with the exhortations to buy this or that latest 'miracle remedy', as though some new face-cream is suddenly going to reverse the ageing process. Or maybe we feel that it's just all too late, the boat of youth has gone without us and we have nothing to look forward to.
1. No more periods
I realise that this is stating the obvious but it is actually unbelievably freeing to not have to worry or even think about periods any more. No more wondering if that holiday is going to be less than perfect, or if you dare to wear those fabulous white jeans you just bought; not to mention the cramps, headaches and the cost of sanitary products. I remember taking a group of teenage girls on a day's hike as part of an activity programme. I asked the organiser (a bloke) if there would be loos on the route to which he replied “there are loads of bushes, what's wrong with those?”..... I tried to explain delicately why it was that women and girls actually need a proper loo but he wasn't listening – maybe I should have been more blunt, but there´s another thing about periods – we're not really supposed to mention them are we? I mean they're our little secret and heaven forbid that men might be embarrassed.
So embrace that freedom and enjoy every single day, wear those white jeans and enjoy the extra spending money.
2. No PMS
Obviously related to point 1, the ceasing of PMS symptoms are an absolute godsend for many women. The bloating, headaches, tiredness, tearfulness and homicidal tendencies that heralded the arrival of our dear friend every month are a thing of the past. Yes, some women do find moodiness part of the menopause, but I suspect it's far less crippling socially than PMS. I think I'm much more even-tempered now and without the worry of periods and PMS, it's a huge weight lifted. I had no idea how freeing it could be.
3. No more fears about pregnancy
Another source of worry gone. The 'Study of Women's Health Across the Nation', a study looking at midlife changes for women across a wide range of backgrounds and ethnic groups, found that one of the key benefits of menopause cited by women is the enjoyment of sex without a fear of pregnancy. For many women, this actually enhances their sexual experience and they begin to enjoy sex more.
4. The opportunity to reflect and reinvent yourself
For many women, menopause happens at a time of other changes in life – perhaps the children have left home or are at least old enough not to need 24/7 attention. Now you have time to spend on yourself, to reflect on what you want to do and plan for the future. It's likely that you still have a good 30 or 40 (or more) years ahead of you and what a great time to really embrace all your possibilities. Menopause often brings a new energy and impetus to our lives and we find ourselves wanting to shake off the habits of the last 30, 40, 50 years. So shake them out and think about what you really want. Three years ago, my husband and I upped sticks and moved to Spain, a place we had visited often over the previous 10 years. Nothing pushed us away from our UK home; we had a lovely house in Sussex with a garden, two cats, friends and beautiful walks nearby, but I remember thinking, 'Is this what I want to do for the next 20 or more years?' So we took the plunge and I haven't regretted it for a moment.
Remember that childhood dream of seeing the world, or starting you own business, or taking up a new hobby? Why not dust it off and see if it still shines, then go all out to make it happen.
5. Time to take risks
With more time, more freedom and for some, maybe a little more disposable income, now is the time to take some risks. What is it that you always longed to do but didn't because you didn't have time/couldn't leave the children/were too busy/too old/too fat?
Last year, after years of procrastinating, I decided to try out stand-up paddle boarding, so I booked a lesson at our local beach. My goodness, the anxieties and insecurities that suddenly popped up before I actually set out for that lesson! 'Will I make a fool of myself?', Will the instructors laugh at a 'silly old woman' thinking she can paddle board?', 'I don't look like a beach babe', 'I'm not 20-something', 'Maybe I should just forget it'. I think if the instructor had cancelled the lesson before I got there I would have breathed a (sad) sigh of relief.
But do you know what? I loved it! The instructor, although young enough to be my grandson, was excellent and once I was out on those crystal blue waves, I soon forgot my anxieties. I paddled for two hours and came home happy, exhausted and addicted. Now I paddle as often as I can and each time I push myself to take a few more risks – go out a little deeper, go a bit further round the coast, try to stay upright over some bigger waves – I am so glad I didn't listen to the negative committee in my head. So tell yours to shut up and start taking those risks.
6. You are now a Crone
Before you slap me for calling you names, I want to tell you what a crone really is.
'Ceremonies for Women' on the 'Ceremonies – Marking the Moments that Matter´ website states:
A Croning is a celebration which formally recognizes that a woman has achieved the status of crone, elder or wise woman. Criteria for being recognized as a crone:
1. Having reached the age of fifty, or
2. Having gone through menopause, or
3. Having become a grandmother, or
4. Having decided, for a reason deemed right by the woman herself, that it is now appropriate to claim this status.
So a Crone is an older, wiser woman who holds the years of wisdom and experience. She is wise and patient, a healer, a teacher, and her age gives her power and knowledge which is reverenced. In ages past, the Crone would be consulted on matters of life, health, relationships, law and leadership and would have been seen as the guardian of much wisdom.
We too have a vast well of knowledge and experience in these areas which is why we can sometimes shake our heads and smile knowingly at the mistakes of youth. So pour yourself a glass of something good, look at yourself in the mirror and toast your Inner Crone then go out and live the life you deserve.
Comments